


qu'est-ce que c'est

by flowersforgraves



Category: Fake AH Crew (Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Autistic Character(s), Disabled Character(s), Fake AH Crew, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-09-08 03:53:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20301658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flowersforgraves/pseuds/flowersforgraves
Summary: Ryan's not a psycho killer.





	qu'est-ce que c'est

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Soulstoned](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soulstoned/gifts).

> did someone say "author should have fun"?
> 
> -
> 
> This is a work of fiction depicting the GTA V personas of the Achievement Hunters. It is not meant to reflect anything about the real people themselves. Rooster Teeth does not have my permission to use this work in any content.

Geoff is the one who starts it. Ryan wouldn’t be so torn up about this if it wasn’t Geoff. But it was, and now that everyone in the house is whistling Talking Heads’ “Psycho Killer” when he walks in he just wants to leave again. 

Ryan is more verbal than usual going into this heist planning session, but it lasts all of fifteen seconds before Gavin starts playing the song on his speakers. He’s glad he didn’t bother to take off his mask, because there’s no excuse to put it back on. And what hurts is that the mask contributes to it, that the scary fucking serial killer Vagabond is the mask he wears to hide.

He’s pretty sure Jeremy notices before anyone else that he’s withdrawing. It’s Jeremy who makes a point to ask him questions at dinner, Jeremy who explicitly invites him to come watch a movie, Jeremy who checks in with him to make sure he’s alright after he leaves because he can’t stand the noise of the refrigerator one second longer. But Jeremy doesn’t know how to confront issues, which is fine by Ryan, because he doesn’t want to have the conversation that the fucking song they keep singing is upsetting.

Jack, because she’s nice, is elected to be the one to confront Ryan. She knows the basic shit, not to touch his hands and to make sure he knows she’s there before walking up behind him, but she doesn’t get it. She’s not disabled the way Ryan is, and she doesn’t know how to deal with Ryan’s meltdown when he’s confronted unexpectedly. Ryan aches to be held and praised, reassured that he isn’t a monster, but even the thought of anyone touching him sets him scrubbing at his hands again.

In the end it’s Matt and Alfredo who get through to him. He likes sitting with Matt, because Matt signs fluently and neither of them have to finger-spell everything. Matt’s autistic too, and they share some of Ryan’s traits -- they’re also semi-verbal, though to a lesser extent than Ryan, they also dislike being touched, they also do not want to mix food together. And he likes Alfredo, because everyone likes Alfredo. He’s a nice young man, and he’s loud and proud about his mixed ethnic identity, and he’s a world-class sniper, and he listens when he needs to and bulldozes over everyone else when he doesn’t.

Matt is bouncing up and down so much that they keep having to stop signing to flap their hands. Ryan smiles at that, because it’s been a long while since he’s been like that himself and he’s not sure whether he’s ever been with someone else who is. When their excitement slows to a trickle and they’ve taken him on a very thorough tour of the penthouse replica they’d built in the minecraft server, they offer him a controller. Ryan takes it, and they sit and play quietly, occasionally typing into chat or signing when they need to. So it’s easier, then, to tell Matt that he doesn’t like hearing that song everywhere. 

Matt shrugs, and signs _want me to tell Jeremy to knock it off?_

Ryan shakes his head. _It’s fine. They’re all having fun,_ he signs back.

Matt gives him a look that means they know he’s not quite truthful. But they don’t push, which is what Ryan needs, so he pretends they’ve accepted what he said at face value and returns his attention to the screen. 

Alfredo’s the one who sees Ryan tense when Jeremy reaches for the speaker as soon as he enters the kitchen, where Ryan is sitting with him and Trevor drinking coffee (Trevor), tea (Alfredo), and hot chocolate (Ryan). “Jeremy!” Alfredo calls, before the speaker turns on.

Jeremy turns. “Oh hey, ‘Fredo. Morning, Ry, ‘sup, Trevor. What do ya need?”

“Get me another cup of tea?” Alfredo makes sad eyes until Jeremy relents, smiling. The stereo stays off, and the tightness in Ryan’s shoulders eases just a fraction. _All good?_ he signs to Ryan, while Trevor is turned around, talking animatedly with Jeremy about a new building he’s been casing.

_I guess,_ Ryan replies. _Don’t like that song._

Alfredo nods. _How do you feel about some smooth jazz?_

Ryan grins, which is enough, apparently, because Alfredo puts on a preset station Ryan hadn’t even known existed, and it’s better.

And then it’s better later too, because Alfredo stomps hard on Trevor’s foot when he starts whistling, and Matt glares daggers at Jeremy when he reaches for the stereo, and Gavin beckons Ryan over to ask, “Does it bother you?”

_Of course it fucking bothers me,_ Ryan doesn’t say. Instead he signs, _It’s not great._

Gavin nods. “Sorry, Ryan. I’ll stop. And I’ll make sure Michael knows.”

Ryan nods back, turns on his heel, needs to isolate himself now because he’s going to start crying if he has to talk to anyone else.

Geoff finds him in the basement later, hunched over a tangled mess of string and rubber bands that he’s trying fruitlessly to separate. “Hey,” he says, stopping back far enough for Ryan to hold back the instinctive flinch. 

_Hi,_ he signs back, turning to sit cross-legged on the floor facing Geoff. _What do you need?_

Geoff shifts from foot to foot, obviously uncomfortable. “Gav told me you were upset about the psycho killer thing.”

Ryan lifts an eyebrow, keeping his face intentionally still.

“I didn’t know it was upsetting. I won’t do it again.” He rubs a hand over his beard. “Ry? You know you can just, you know, tell us to stop, right?”

Ryan shrugs at that. _You were having fun. It doesn’t matter._

But Geoff shakes his head. “Ryan, you’ve been running with this crew long enough to know that if something we’re doing is shitty, we do our best to stop as soon as we know about it.”

_It doesn’t matter,_ he repeats. _I know how people look at me. It’s fine._

“Shit,” Geoff mumbles. “You aren’t, though. It was a joke that wasn’t funny, yeah, but you’re not heartless like people say.”

_It’s fine,_ Ryan signs again, more vehemently. _I don’t want to talk about this anymore._

“Okay,” and Geoff heads back upstairs, leaving Ryan alone in the dark.

It’s harder to get rid of Jeremy. He’s in dressed-down Rimmy Tim gear, purple tee shirt and orange basketball shorts, when he sits down next to Ryan and doesn’t say a word.

_Go away,_ Ryan signs. It’s blunt and rude and he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care, he doesn’t have the spoons to take care of this on his own, doesn’t want anyone in his space.

_No,_ Jeremy signs back. _You’re not. Ryan, you’re not the Vagabond._

_Go. Away._ Ryan covers his ears.

_Ryan!_ Jeremy’s getting angry, which is fine. Angry is default Jeremy, nothing to worry about, but Ryan pulls back anyway. It’s too much effort to stay upright, because he’s going to have a fucking meltdown and if he holds it off longer it’ll only be worse later.

Thankfully, Jeremy backs off. Ryan slams his head back against the wall, trying to overwhelm his senses with things other than the no-bad-wrong of the song in his head. It takes a few minutes to calm himself down, and when he does, Jeremy is running back down the stairs with a cup of instant soup and a blanket.

_I’m sorry,_ Jeremy signs after he hands off the soup and blanket.

Ryan makes a noncommittal gesture while he tries to stop shaking long enough to drink some of the soup. After the first scalding mouthful, he sets it down and says, _I’m a horror movie villain because I don’t talk. I’m Geoff’s dog because I don’t talk. I’m fucking crazy because I don’t talk. I’m a ‘psycho killer’ because I don’t talk and I wear the mask. _

Jeremy sits down next to him. _I’m sorry,_ he says again. _I didn’t -- I didn’t realize you were upset. We won’t do it again._

_Fine_, Ryan says. _I know I’m not a good person. I do the bad things so regular good people don’t have to. And it’s fine if you don’t want me around. But I don’t want -- I can’t pretend._

_I’m sorry, Ry,_ Jeremy repeats. _Can I hug you?_

Ryan’s shaking his head even before Jeremy starts the sentence. _Leave me alone._

Jeremy nods. _Check in with someone in half an hour, okay?_

_Fine,_ Ryan says again. _Fine._


End file.
